I was emotionally obese, binging on junk feelings: Climbing Trees Backwards

August 04, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
I was emotionally obese, binging on junk feelings, colluding false kind words: how otherwise could I live? How could I face myself each day? Or face colleagues if they knew the poisonous secrets swilling around my mind? Did I want to experience the emotional agonies and sordid care patterns of looking after the dying again? A beautiful and many talented woman reduced to falling down stairs because she no longer had the strength to support herself. Weight loss, continuous night sweats, the dawning realisations of closure. Etched deep into the lines of her face was understanding death was a single stop away: no remission, no transfers, no more opportunities. No return ticket. Nights holding her, listening to the sound of her tears, silent words conveying mortality: this, I suspected would be my fate. Wiping up incontinences as they happened. No good timing there, no bad time, never any time: never any warning. Trips she’d enjoyed withered. We became a home unit, walled, behind thin brittle glass, and window boxes of always in bloom geraniums, protecting from intrusions. Post dried up, phone calls diminished, her love of cooking ended, she survived on snacking, strong coffee and spirits, more so as her […]

This day lives: Poem of Love

August 03, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
This day lives Years accumulate memories days to remember live for are closer than the horizon Greetings within reach Embarrassment doesn’t diminish with age nor does knowledge of the world What we want is there as the sun rises faced with open hearts In age we become weathered Sometimes beaten Sometimes ravaged Less or more than others on similar journeys In my aged heart I hold optimism Seasons reflect my daily moods Chances Desires Hopes Fears In winter’s fears I know life ends Taking autumn’s chances I reclaim my heart’s remaining powers I grasp spring’s hope life offering more of what is known what is unknown Know the truth of myself what is comfortable to reveal what isn’t In summer’s desires embarrassments of revealing who and what I am why I exist cursed for too long melts In my age in one day seasons flow and mix Desires don’t end: they spring awaken emotions crack smiles raise happiness Nor do fears or hope I’d be less than human If they did Nor could I admit experience love if I didn’t I love autumn Life hiding glories from death in rich dark fertile earth Chances of new better life dormant will […]

“My animal scents planted irredeemably in her lair”: Climbing Trees Backwards

August 03, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
What truths would I transport myself to if my words, a random collection of possible truths (and half lies) were to convince Martha to invite me home? I’d decided not to bring her to Mount Rise, even if it were an option. There’d be no prize, no sense of celebration, of power, of dominance, in that. To satisfy masculine achievement I desired, above all other considerations, to implant my animal scents firmly and irredeemably in her lair. I know nothing of the forces and influences shaping Martha’s life: she, on the other hand, knows vast details of mine. None of the knowledge she possesses of me is one dimensional, on the contrary, I’m a known quantity. Am I succumbing to the thought she will dominate, tapping into hidden desires, tantalising me through the realisation of my fantasies. Willingly ensnared from the first day we met because she listened, accepting me for what I am. Would a blow fly be this careless entering a spider’s web? Why is she continually questioning and pushing me to seize control over the remaining span of my life? Do I accept partnership under her tutelage: but what sort of partnership involves submission? How often has […]

“I was holding a vacuum of silence in my hand”: When the String Breaks

July 12, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
  Perhaps the only way to make sense of the world is to not believe. Not to be stuck with ideas from another time and history. Where will the Risen go, how will they want to run my life — mine and anonymous millions? What and who will influence them? Perhaps nothing will. Is it frightened of being questioned? Incapable of taking a fresh look at realities? Unwilling to listen to new ideas, or is the Risen blinkered, dewy eyed, ignoring circumstance in favour of immutable mystical chants of worlds gone by? I’m a teenager, getting educated; aren’t I supposed to question everything as a matter of course? Instead, I’m accepting assertions with no proof. My reverie ended. I awoke in silence. Something unusual. A suburban street interred not four minutes from a main London arterial, always the sound of droning traffic. A distant memory of winter, snow falling, piling flake upon flake, deadening every sound, resurfaced. So silent my ears hurt, beat their own drum, eerily reminding me of death, though my eyes were wide open. My watch methodically cast off seconds, added hours to another dawning day. It wasn’t normal; rather the silence experienced in the eye of […]

Twins of different ages

May 24, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
  Twins of different ages Opposite each other for the first time a meal lay and we talked of many things exploring Unexpectedly you said cancer I listened drawing myself closer to you though there was no more space at the cramped table until in my hand I held your trust We walked to where you lived cold, windy and wet in early May In your nakedness my eyes followed your scars beneath your arm around your breast and like a baby suckling for milk kissed them gently found twins of different ages

“These guys are more dangerous than cigarettes, cocaine and heroin combined”: When the String Breaks

May 24, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
“And you Billy, tell me, do you think Dwayne, that great misplaced idiot, angry as a frustrated saint, unable to pinpoint what’s driving his dysfunctional emotions into brick walls, understands consequences? What about Ronnie, close to him aren’t you, Billy Boy? Another lost misled kid. Jesus, Billy, how they remind me of myself at a tender age. Desperate to prove myself in the easiest, most direct means I could: violence. I was a class A guy alright. Double starred, a first class idiot because I believed in what I was shouting. Was prepared to diminish — a nice word justifying destruction — those disagreeing with me and my cause. I didn’t have enough emotional intelligence to understand the idea of neutral ground to meet, solve and forget our differences. A space to build on what we shared in common. How else are we to live in peace? The world’s a big place, enough to accept difference once we identify our similarities, feeling around what might cause pain if not approached openly and sensitively. And the great majority do share the same needs, desires, wants, ambitions. Yeah, the smart, smooth talking class A men get in the way of peace, don’t […]

The Monesse Mystery

May 16, 2014 by Richard Lyon in Blog 0 comments
The Monesse Mystery, volume two of the Billy Day and Kevin Knight Trilogy, has recently been published by summersolsticepublishing.com in the USA and is available from Amazon on this link: https://www.createspace.com/4805752